Friday, 28 December 2012

life of pi.

do you know this feeling? ... of feeling so dead and vacant and believing you were an empty shell, filled up with a vacuum which will ever be unfulfilled? and nothing can make you happy anymore and you do not feel anything, no sadness, no hate, no joy and no happiness? ... a long time i've felt this way. already when i was a teen. i was restless, haunted by my dreams. i've read everything i could get hold of, so that i could fill up my  inner emptiness. but i couldn't find anything. i've felt like a ghost, walking on earth, aimlessly. i've read tolstoi, sartre, flaubert and murakami and with each day, i've felt more lonely and older and older ...

i never had a lot of friends, but i didn't care. i always felt that i was different. i've been solitary and i isolated myself freely. but in spite of it all, i searched for something. a meaning. a meaning of life. my mum was very religious and thus i came across christianity. but there were too many frailites in my life so i wasn't able to believe that god was good. i thought that god didn't love me. why did i have to endure so many cruelties? i was left in disbelief.

thus i came across philosophy and hoped it would give me the answers i was searching for so long. but philosophy made me doubt much more. made me doubt myself and this world i lived in.

image from jrhmy/

and then i came across this book. i've been signed in the letternet, a pen pal network of the deutsche post.
i read about this indian boy, who found god as a hindu, as a christ and as a muslim. this boy who was a cast away, doomed to stay 227 days on the pacific ocean on a lifeboat, with his whole family killed in the sinking - his only companion a bengal tiger named richard parker.

i've read this book when i was 17. yann martel and his life of pi made me believe in myself, once more, and he made me believe in god again, too. i've cried so much while i've read this book. and i thought a lot about life and this world i'm living in.

and then, i've got strength to live again. but my life was quite sad. and once more, i've lost faith. and when i was 23, i found true eternal love. and i was so happy, because my life again made sense.

but thus, i could not forget things which happend. things which are to sad that i would want to write them down here. i can just say that i've still been a restless and depressive soul. i still am. but it was less devastating than it was before i was 23 ... or when i was a teen.

i cried when i read that this story was made into a film. deep inside my soul i've always hoped for this to come. i've waited for it. still, i was frightened. i was frightened at the possibility that they would not visualize the book as i kept it in my memory. but i needed to watch it.

and yesterday, the time has come. i've watched life of pi, with my lifelong love, my boyfriend. and i saw my childhood dream there, on the movie screen. in a few hours this film made me go through this huge abundance of feelings i had while i read the book when i was 17. it's a delirium, which leaves you behind in trance. an emotional rollercoaster. it was a bit difficult for me to cope with this whole cosmic story compressed in such a short passage of time. but it was all worthwhile. i cried a lot while watching and also afterwards ... i still weep easily ... but i am thankful ... for every tear which i was able to shed meanwhile.

from the aesthetic point of view one must say that life of pi really is a visual masterpiece.

i am thankful for this wonderful book, this wonderful film. everybody shoud read life of pi or see the film. for me, it was like travelling back in time. it was like a journey to the depths of my self.

maybe you'll find god when you see it. maybe you will find yourself. maybe you will conquer a phase of deep mourning.

i can say that it has delivered me from a spell of deep depression, and i am thankful for that. i'm not completely healed. but i feel that this is the beginning of a deep purification. just like at the time when i've read the book. thus i want to say thank you. 

thank you, yann martel. 

thank you, ang lee.

... one should attach value to life of pi, the book and the film because both are worthy of the time you will spend with them.


  1. then maybe i have to read the book, because i often feel like you before you changed...

  2. Vielen Dank für diese geniale Rezension! Jetzt habe ich richtig Lust darauf bekommen, mir selbst das Buch zuzulegen und zu lesen :3

    glG, Sandra

  3. Deine geschichte macht mich traurig :/
    Trotzdem ein sehr schönes book review !

  4. scheint ein tolles Buch zu sein. Liebe Grüße

  5. Ich kenne das nur durch die Kinowerbung aber ich wusste nicht genau worums geht. Aber so wie sich das anhört scheint es sehr gut zu sein (:
    Liebe Grüße Teresa -

  6. Ein wirklich schöner Post, tolles Review!
    Das Buch muss wirklich gut sein :)

  7. Ich kenne das Buch zwar nicht , aber scheint interessant zu sein .


  8. Schein interessant zu sein (:
    Lg Jana

  9. what a great adventure !

  10. hey!:)
    ich bin per zufall auf deinem blog gekommen & ich muss sagen der klick hat sich gelohnt! schöne bilder und auch ein schönes design!
    hier ist mein bloglink, falst du mal vorbeischauen möchtest oder lust auf's gegenseitige verfolgen hast:)
    dimi xx
    PS: toller/verrückter/cooler header!
    und wo hast du dieses jahr alles florence welch gesehen?:)

  11. schiffbruch mit tiger wollte cih immer immer immer mal gern lesen.
    bin auf den film gespannt :)

  12. toller film und tolles buch. hab beides gelesen und gesehen!
    ich mag deine bilder sehr gerne

  13. den möchte ich unbedingt noch sehen (:

  14. Ich habs als Kino Werbung gesehen und fands O.K , hört sich spannend an aber gucken oder lesen würde ich es nicht :)
    Toller Header!
    LG <3

  15. It sounds really, really good and well worth to read it. Thank you a lot.
    Lovely E.


thanks for sharing your thoughts with me.